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Layers of Surrender

“Growth in the Christian life depends on obedience in times of crisis.”

James Dobson

This past week John and I were in Wichita hunting for a house. We looked at nine houses the first day but only one was a possibility. The whole day I seemed to be very picky and found something wrong with each house. My complaint about the house we liked was that it was farther east and I felt isolated. I told our realtor, as she drove us back to the hotel, that I felt resistant but didn’t understand why.

I checked emails and Facebook after we returned to our room and noticed a dear friend sent me a video. I sat on the bed and watched a man tell me I was “awesome.” I began to weep as I felt so loved, valued, and not forgotten by my friend. That is when the Lord began to show me what was in my heart and why I had been resistant.

My isolation complaint came from my heart that feared abandonment. I was grieving all over again the loss with our upcoming move from Omaha. The solution was to surrender again. I’m surprised by how many times and layers of surrendering I’ve gone through. I think I’ve arrived and made it to the end of the road of surrender, only to discover it’s just another layer and I need to process my heart a little bit more.

The next morning during my quiet time, the Lord used Jeremiah 38:17 to confirm my need to surrender. “Then Jeremiah said to Zedekiah, ‘This is what the Lord God Almighty, the God of Israel, says: If you surrender to the officers of the King of Babylon, your life will be spared and this city will not be burned down; you and your family will live.'” The Holy Spirit gently nudged me to repent of my resistance, to push past my fear of abandonment, and to embrace our move to Wichita.

Resistance to the Lord’s will, never ends well. It’s only as we surrender and embrace obedience to His direction, that we receive what we’re looking for. I don’t know how, but I believe my surrender to God’s will, no matter how hard, will actually bring restoration to my heart. Our move to Wichita will somehow increase my attachment, trust, and intimacy with God in such a way that my fear of loneliness, isolation, and rejection will decrease.

“Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness.”

Jean Vanier

Relevant Reflections:

  1. How are you resisting God’s will for your life?

  2. Take time to grieve and surrender another layer to Him.

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