“To carry each other is not a burden at all but a kind of privilege.”
“You’re not a burden Mom.” Tears instantly sprung to my eyes when I heard my daughter’s words over dinner. Whoa. Her statement hit the bulls-eye of an unknown wound lodged deep within my heart.
If you’re around me long enough, you will hear me say, “I want to be user friendly.” In other words, I don’t want to rock the boat or require anything from you, in order to gain your acceptance. All these years I thought that stemmed from the rejection, loneliness, and fear of abandonment I’ve desperately wanted to avoid. But when my daughter declared the truth, I realized my desire to be user friendly was rooted in steering clear of being a burden to others.
Later that evening during worship, while attending a service at Bethel Church, the Lord in His kindness revealed the root or the doorway through which my feeling like a burden entered my heart and mind.
I was nine years old when four permanent teeth needed to be pulled to make space in my crowded mouth. My date with the dentist to extract those teeth happened to fall on the day when the dentist’s favorite team was playing in the World Series. The dentist got angry and reprimanded me for having an appointment that interrupted his watching the game. At that moment, I felt ashamed for being a burden. Unconsciously, I made a judgment never again to be a burden to anyone and vowed to be user friendly the rest of my life.
After that revelation, the Lord showed me the truth: I am not a burden. I am a blessing! I began to declare those words aloud to convince myself of what’s true in my life.
In God’s benevolence, He will use my recovery from surgery to cement this truth. During my weeks of recuperation, as I’m unable to do my normal activities, I will need to depend on my family and the Body of Christ to help with chores or meals.
It always amazes me how God can use one situation to teach a multitude of lessons. And as I heal, He will reinforce His truth that I am a blessing and not a burden. Oh, how God loves me, to heal what He reveals, and to restore the pain from my past and redeem it, to buy it back for my good!
“However, the Lord your God would not listen to Balaam but turned the curse into a blessing for you, because the Lord your God loves you.” Deuteronomy 23:5
Relevant Reflections: 1. Ask God to reveal a lie you’ve believed which compels you to live a certain way because of an unconscious judgment and vow. Repent and renounce these. 2. Ask God to show you the entry point where this lie came in. 3. Ask God to disclose to you the truth. Declare that out loud.